England Eager to Avoid 'Worst in History' Tag

There are many contenders but by this time next week the unofficial title of England's most unsuccessful team may change hands. It will be bestowed on the 2013-14 vintage in Australia who are on a losing streak that shows no signs of abating.

Defeat on Friday – and the resignation in the air is darkening the clear Perth skies – and it will be nine internationals in a row on tour, 10 in all counting the loss in the final one-dayer at home last September. That is a record sequence matched only twice before in England's history.

To judge this group, which has comprised 24 players across all matches, as the worst in history may be harsh, but it is also a measure of how badly this expedition has gone. Anybody who has seen England in the one-day series will be astonished if they manage to prise one of the next two games from Australia's grasp. They are resting several players, including the captain Alastair Cook, from the fourth ODI.

The main hope now is that England will win at least one of the three Twenty20 matches which bring the tour to a close next week. But such is the one-sided nature of proceedings that everyone thinks 13-0 on tour is at least possible.

There was almost a plaintive note in the voice of the off-spinner, James Tredwell, the last player to join the motley band. "That's the Aussies," he said. "When they are going well they can batter you to a degree and, if we're honest, that's what they've done over the course of this winter and it's finding a way to push back against that. We've had periods when we've done that and if we can try and push them back a bit we've the skills to do the job. We have to believe, don't we? And if we don't we're just going to roll over again."

In 1993, England lost 10 Tests and ODIs before drawing a Test match at Nottingham against Australia. Eight years later at home, they lost 10 before beating the Australians in a Test at Leeds.

The difference this time is that all the defeats have been against the same opponents, who are relishing each day as it arrives. That much was evident when Mitchell Johnson came back home to Perth from Sydney, where on Monday night he received the Allan Border Medal for the Australian player of the year.

It was like the return of the conquering hero as he charmed an audience full of adulation at the airport. Johnson has put the frighteners on England for months and he traced the beginning of his ascendancy back to the one-day series in England late last summer. "It felt that there was something going on," he said. "I felt like everything was coming together – all the hard work and the change of my run-up, the lengthening of that through the IPL.

Mitchell Johnson was greeted in his hometown of Perth ahead of Friday’s ODI like a conquering hero (Getty)

"That was my first real sort of tournament after my injury. I felt good through that tournament, but not quite right. And then playing at international level again in the one-day series, I definitely felt something there. And it went on from there."

Johnson took 37 wickets in the Ashes series and threatens to be a handful at his home ground, the Waca, on Friday, when he will probably bowl three short, rapid bursts.

England practised hard at the University of Western Australian campus. There is a desperation to get a win from somewhere, anywhere, a closing of the ranks round Cook. But all that cannot conceal the fact Australia are in swagger mode, playing irrepressible cricket that will, as Tredwell put it, ultimately batter England.

England on the run: Longest losing streaks

10 matches (Mar-June 1993)

Two ODIs in India

Two ODIs in Sri Lanka

One Test in Sri Lanka

Three ODIs vs Australia

Two Tests vs Australia

10 matches (May-Aug 2001)

One Test vs Pakistan

Three ODIs vs Pakistan

Three ODIs vs Australia

Three Tests vs Australia

The current run is 9 matches

Celebrate Australia Day: The True Meaning of Australia Day

Yet, from the desert the prophets come. Not the desert run by BHP/Billington and Essington ''I am work'' Lewis. Not the desert run by The Big Three financed by The Big Four. It's the desert that is suburbia. We are all, almost without exception, from THAT desert. And our prophets are born underneath the dull steel of a Hills Hoist. We are not just a mining pit with a pretty coastline. There's a bit more to us than that.

Our nation barely knows the words to its own national anthem. That fact makes my heart swell with pride. I love to see the horrified, furtive glances and inept, bad mime and mumbling that occurs if we ever get to that dreaded second verse. My magnificent and future Nobel Prize winning prime ministerial five-year-old daughter, Lotte May Muldoon, knows Advance Australia Fair better than 90 something per cent of the Australian population. I love that and her.

I love that if the weather is fine, our beaches will be filled. I love that a cricket ground will be packed. ON A WORK DAY.

I like that we happily shoot and eat our national symbol, the kangaroo (Sorry vegans, but I do). It speaks to our rural and indigenous past. I like that huge swathes of the city hate that.

I like that the tension between the city and the country is not that tense.

We're still finding out who the hell we are. We are a teenage nation. Which, of course brings me to the JJJ Hottest 100. Somehow, that strange and often wonderful station, has become part of our ''national identity''. No-one knows how or why. Anyone over the age of 12 gripes about JJJ, and will happily tell you when ''the glory days of JJJ'' were (I'm one of them. For mine it was when they went from JJ to JJJ. That first bit. THAT was good, weird times. But hey, you've got yours too) and you will hear JJJ across this nation on that day. It will be ubiquitous. And yes I think BBQ too. I think cricket with arguments about LBW and classic catches. It's hard not to. It'll be happening (almost) everywhere.

Do we CARE about Australia Day? Of course not. It's a bit of artificial holiday to make us think we're a nation. We have fun, we're good at that. But do we reflect on our strengths and weaknesses? About where we're headed and where we'd like to go? Do we ponder? Do we furrow our brows? Do our poets battle with the tyranny of the blank page? Do our souls expand towards a new unseen horizon sparkling with the tincture of hope?

Nup. We get on the piss. And sometimes kiss. And sometimes biff. We can, quite effortlessly become the Disney version of Australia. The worst part of us is a drunken nationalism that is like a pack of wolves seeking prey. The best part is planting trees and welcoming newcomers to this miracle of a nation that we are almost embarrassed to share, because it's THAT good. In this nation, we tend to be allowed to ''go about our business'', whatever that may be.

I've lived in this nation my entire life and I still have no idea what it is. I also hugely struggle with even typing the word ''we''. Do I love it? This place that I plant my feet? This place I potter around and bump into other lost souls seeking comfort and joy, unfussed about the concepts of ''identity'' and ''belonging'' ? This place of incomparable beauty hidden from the world, yet profoundly connected? This land of the brutal, weary, yet strangely innocent smile?

Why yes I do. Thanks for asking.

Happy Australia Day.

Perth Skyshow 2014 - Skyworks: Perth Ready for Biggest Australia Day fireworks

THE country's biggest fireworks display will light up the sky over the Swan River on Australia Day.

More than 300,000 people are expected to gather along the Swan River foreshore for the 30th City of Perth Australia Day Skyworks, where freestyle motocross stunts and a paintball competition will thrill, along with the traditional family entertainment of bouncy castles, minigolf, face painting, water slides, rock climbing and animals.

"The event is the largest Australia Day occasion in the country," Lord Mayor Lisa Scaffidi said.

The Circus Joseph Ashton will provide free shows of trapeze, high wires and clowns.

Vintage aircraft, jets, planes in formation and helicopters will also take to the sky, as well as fire-bombers demonstrating a water drop.

Skywriters and skydivers will entertain crowds while the RAAF will fly in close formation with daring high-speed aerobatics.

The best viewing spots for the 30-minute pyrotechnic display will be at Langley Park, Kings Park, Supreme Court Gardens and South Perth foreshore.

Some designated alcohol zones will be set up and police warn there will be a zero-tolerance approach to alcohol-fuelled antisocial behaviour.

"Police will be highly visible and will be moving through the crowds to identify and respond to any issues that arise," a spokeswoman said.

Revellers have also been warned that a fire ban will be in place so all sparklers and barbecues will not be permitted.

Fremantle and Cockburn will celebrate their third annual Indian Ocean Fireworks at Bathers Beach with a free sausage sizzle, a "children's corner" and performances from artists before the 20-minute pyrotechnics display.

There is a zero-tolerance approach to public drinking and antisocial behaviour at that event.

About 40,000 spectators are expected to view the show from the Bathers Beach foreshore, the Roundhouse, Esplanade Reserve, North Mole, Monument Hill, South Beach and Fishing Boat Harbour.

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WANTED: Nanny for Prince George for Tour Down Under

THE Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are on the lookout for a nanny to look after baby George on their trip to New Zealand and Australia in April, Britain's Daily Mail newspaper has reported. 

Proud mum and dad William and Kate, with their baby Prince George

The royal couple's current nanny, Jessie Webb - who looked after Prince William when he was a child and came out of retirement to tend George - has reached the end of her contract. 

Mrs Webb, 71, took the job on the condition that she would work only for three months, the newspaper reported. "Mrs Webb is still at Kensington Palace and William and Kate are keen to retain her services, but they are discreetly looking for extra help for the month-long trip this spring," the paper said. 


The Duke and Duchess did not hire a maternity nurse after George's birth last July. Instead the couple moved into the Middleton family home in Berkshire so that Kate's mother, Carole, could help out.

When they moved to Kensington Palace last September, they persuaded Mrs Webb to join their household.

It had been rumoured that Carole Middleton could join the tour Downunder to help look after George. However, aides insist that will not be the case and the couple will instead hire a new nanny. 

Prospective candidates would need to be experienced, discreet, trained in paediatric first aid and demonstrate an ability to cope in stressful situations, Janine Bayley of nanny recruitment agency Rock mybaby.co.nz said. 

"We have placed nannies and babysitters for some high profile families including Hollywood actors while visiting in New Zealand," Mrs Bayley said. "We find their expectations just the same as other families, although we do encourage the nannies not to become star struck. 

"At the end of the day, parents want someone who is responsive to their child's needs, able to provide a quality, educational environment and someone who knows how to have fun. Regardless of where we are in society, we just want the very best for our children." 

The royal entourage may include a housekeeper and Kate's personal hairdresser, Amanda Cook Tucker. 

Royal Nannying: Five keys to success 

• Mum is the word. Discretion will be vital as the ravenous media look to exploit any means to find fresh angles on the visit. The nanny should be occasionally seen, but certainly never heard.
• Sleep is over-rated. With near constant travel and a packed diary of obligations to fulfil, the royal couple will be constantly on the move. The nanny can expect to be on call 24/7.
• Say cheese. Photo ops for baby George will be par for the course and there's every chance the nanny will get caught in the lens at some point. A constant smile would be a good idea.
• Keep calm and carry on. George soils his nappy while meeting John Key? No drama. It's just another day at the office. Hand me the wipes.
• A way with children. It may seem obvious, but if wee George isn't taken with his nanny that is going to be one long trip from Kensington Palace and back.

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Arctic Monkeys - Touring Australia May 2014

Frontier Touring is thrilled to confirm that Sheffield Arctic Monkeys will be landing in Australia next May to embark on their biggest tour of our shores to date!

Arctic Monkeys first burst onto the music scene in 2006 with their Award-winning debut album Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not.  The album became the fastest-selling debut album in British music history. 

In the years since their debut, the band have received two Grammy Award nominations, five Brit Awards, headlined the iconic Glastonbury Festival twice and taken to the world stage in front of billions as part of the London Olympic Games opening ceremony. Originally one of the ‘best new bands to watch’, Arctic Monkeys have well and truly cemented themselves now as one of the most important British bands of their time.

The band were last Down Under in 2011 for Falls and Southbound Festivals as well as a handful of Australian headline shows; in 2014 they will return for their most extensive run of tour dates including two New Zealand shows and five Australian shows in celebration of their fifth studio album AM (out now through Domino Records/EMI).

On the charts, AM was the band’s fifth consecutive UK #1 debut, making them the first artist signed to an independent label to achieve this. Closer to home, the album shot straight to the #1 spot on both the ARIA Album Chart and New Zealand’s Official Album Chart.

As well as success on the charts, AM was also heralded by critics  across the globe as Arctic Monkeys’ best album to date and was nominated for the 2013 Mercury Music Prize just two days after its release.

If the demand for their latest album is anything to go by, these tickets won’t last long. Be quick to see Arctic Monkeys; one of the greatest live bands to emerge in recent years.

TOUR DATES*:

Tue 6 May - Sydney Entertainment Centre
Wed 7 May - Brisbane Entertainment Centre
Fri 9 May - Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne
Sat 10 May - Adelaide Entertainment Theatre, SA
Tue 13 May - Perth Arena , WA
*Ticketek is selling for the above venues only.

The The Syd Ent Centre Site for More Info

Indian Tourists Flocking to Australia, Says Report

Melbourne: Indian tourists are flocking to see beauty of Australia taking the total number of overseas travellers from the region to over 134,000 from January to October this year, a report said.

According to latest data of Tourism Australia, a total of 134,000 visitors from India visited Australia during October this year, an increase of 9.5 per cent as compared to the same period previous year.

According to its Tourism Forecast Committee report released earlier this year, visitor arrivals from India were predicted to rise by 7.5 per cent and 7.6 per cent to 1,63,800 in 2012-13 and 176,300 in 2013-14 respectively.

"Markets expected to experience strongest gains in visitor volumes in 2012?13 are China (15.9 per cent), Malaysia (13.9 per cent), Singapore (12.5 per cent) and India (7.5 per cent)," it said.

"This revision represents a difference of 6500 more visitors in aggregate. In the longer term to 2021-22, average annual growth of 7.2 per cent to 306,100 visitors is expected," the report cited while note trends from Indian tourists.

It said that average length of stay rose 20 per cent to 66 nights per trip while total nights in hotels, motels and guest houses and serviced apartments rose 17.2 per cent to 0.5 million compared with same period in 2011-12.

"Visitor expenditure is fore casted to rise 19.8 per cent in 2012-13 to USD 867 million.

In the longer term to 2021-22, average annual growth of 10.9 per cent is forecast to USD 2 billion, representing an upward revision of USD 354 million,"?the?report predicted.

Last year, Tourism Australia had launched India 2020 Strategic Plan which was developed to maximise India`s tourism potential and set a foundation for the future, when long haul leisure travel by Indians becomes more common. 

Victorious Australia Bringing Same Squad to Perth for 3rd Ashes Test

Australia will take the same 12-man squad to Perth for the third Ashes test this week after humbling England by 218 runs to win the second match in Adelaide on Monday.

Selector John Inverarity said in a statement that uncapped fast bowler Nathan Coulter-Nile and 12-test paceman Doug Bollinger would also be in Perth on standby and would train with the squad for the test match "should they be required."

Australia fielded the same team in Adelaide that thrashed England by 381 runs in Brisbane, the first time in a year that the team has been unchanged for consecutive tests.

Coach Darren Lehmann was reluctant to mess with a winning formula for the WACA, where their pacemen will hope to wreak maximum damage against a shell-shocked England side on a bouncy wicket.

"At the moment, all good," Lehmann said of his bowlers' fitness for the third match starting on Friday.

"(If they're) 100 percent, they'll play. If not, they won't.

"From our point of view, we've just got to keep what we're doing now. Not change too much. Just make sure we adapt to Perth conditions. As you've seen, we adapted very well from Brisbane to here, and now we go back the other way."

Australia lead the five-test series 2-0 and can wrest the Ashes away from holders England with victory in Perth.

Australia squad: Chris Rogers, David Warner, Shane Watson, Michael Clarke (captain), Steve Smith, George Bailey, Brad Haddin, Mitchell Johnson, Peter Siddle, Ryan Harris, Nathan Lyon, James Faulkner.